[Mark]

Hey all,


We've been working on a new "marketing copy" for Universe or Nothing. This is the text which will go on the game page here and on Steam. We want it to excite people, while giving them a true flavour of the game.

It's light on technical detail, as technical detail can bore people who are not engaged, but we will provide that information elsewhere for people who want it.

The actual page will have better formatting and graphics, this is just the text on its own.

I'd love to get some feedback on this:

Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices; a Helmsman, evading missiles while keeping the enemy in your sights; a Tactical Officer, bringing destruction to your foes and managing away teams; a Science Officer, fighting an information war and directing researchers; or a Chief Engineer, pushing systems to their limits and overseeing technicians. If the answer is yes, Universe or Nothing is your game.

We want you to help shape the future of Universe or Nothing, join us for development discussion and updates on our forums (universeornothing.com/forums) or Facebook page (facebook.com/universeornothing).

Universe or Nothing is a command level space sim game featuring an expansive campaign with singleplayer and full cooperative play. Lean back in the Captain’s chair and give the orders, or drop into any of the roles on your bridge to take direct control. Travel silently on low power to ambush the enemy, or go in with guns blazing to overwhelm them. Carefully disable enemy ships to capture prisoners and maximise your salvage, or blow them out of the void to be sure of a quick get-away. Use strategically placed away teams to gather intel, or hack enemy comm arrays to discover the location of vulnerable assets. How to win the war is up to you, but win it you must. All the universe... or nothing, which shall it be?


The Bridge
As Captain you will be able to command and control four roles on the bridge of your ship; Helm, Tactics, Science and Engineering. Commanding involves issuing orders to your bridge crew, controlling means you take their seat and do it yourself.

Helm
A good helm officer understands the theory of flight in zero G, but a great one knows just when to fire thrusters to avoid that incoming tactical nuke. Your pilot will need to read the current situation and have the reflexes to react to it, protecting the ship with evasive manoeuvres while keeping the enemy within the firing arc of your turrets.

Tactics
They say a good tactical officer has a plan to kill everyone they meet, and a great one has plans to kill people they’ve only thought about meeting. Keep an eye on them though - they tend to take risks and push the ship beyond it’s limits. While on at least one occasion this has helped repel an invasion fleet, this practice has also resulted in many a ship becoming just another wreck drifting in the void...

Science
Science officers are the kind of people who interrupt delicate diplomatic transmissions to inform their captain that the enemy ship is displaying unusual power fluctuations in it’s aft scanning array. Now, sometimes this is nothing but a scientific curiosity, but occasionally it’s an indication that the enemy is about to burn a hole in your hull. The trick for any captain is in knowing which is which...

Engineering
The best engineers all share a common delusion - that the ship they are assigned to could explode at any moment. They’ll tell you that pushing the laser turrets any further could cause a catastrophic failure in the core, or that an emergency jump to cruise speed will rip the engine nacelles from their moorings. Don’t worry too much - it almost always turns out just fine. Almost always.


Features

• Command a spaceship through an expansive campaign featuring dynamically generated content. Fully simulated systems allow you to play any way you want to, from loud and aggressive to silent and deadly.
• Issue orders to, or directly control, four roles on the bridge of your ship; Helm, Tactical, Science and Engineering. Each role offers its own unique engaging experience, with a focus on “easy to pick up, difficult to master”.
• Invite your friends on Steam to join your crew, taking over one or more roles on your bridge.
• Fully realised 3D space with physics (velocity and momentum).
• Optimised multiplayer networking designed for seamless internet play.
• Customise your ship with systems (weapons, sensors, shields and engines) purchased from stations or salvaged from wrecks.
• Extensive modding support with full Steam Workshop integration.

Universe or Nothing will be available on Steam in 2017, or via bootlegged holocube if you’re in the Centauri system.

[Edit]Modified marketing copy based on Blaze's suggestions[/Edit]

[Blaze]

Honestly, the text is good, but nothing special. It tells about an interesting game, but it doesn't really show it's beauty or it's possibilites, and those are the reason why one would love the game, instead of just liking it. If this was the first time I heard about UoN, the text would probably just make me put it on my wishlist, but not follow it or go and check out the forums.

I think you should write more about the Why of the game, rather than How and What. I'm referencing  this TEDx talk. I think the text should tell us more of why one would play the game, not what one would do in it.

P.S.: I didn't even know about the Facebook page...

[Mark]

That is excellent feedback, thank you.

I've watched the video you posted, and it is an eye opener. I understand what he is saying, but it will take me time to figure out how to put that into the marketing of our game.

The fact is we do believe in what we're doing, we do want to make the most engaging space sim there has ever been. We want to make a game which has enough depth and richness to it that the player(s) get drawn into the experience, in the same way I have when playing a game like Silent Hunter. It's just hard to get that into some text on a page, but that doesn't mean we won't keep trying.

[Mark]

So perhaps something like this:

Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices; the Helmsman, evading enemy fire while keeping them in your sights; the Tactical Officer, bringing weapons to bare on the enemy and managing away teams; the Chief Engineer, pushing systems to their limits and keeping the ship together; or the Science Officer, fighting an information war. If any or all of these are you, Universe or Nothing is your game.

[Blaze]

YES! That's it! That short little text got me all fired up!

[Mark]

YES! That's it! That short little text got me all fired up!

Thanks man.

I have made some tweaks, let me know what you think:

Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices; the Helmsman, evading enemy fire while keeping them in your sights; the Tactical Officer, bringing weapons to bare on the enemy and managing away teams; the Science Officer, fighting an information war and directing researchers; or the Chief Engineer, pushing systems to their limits and overseeing your technicians. If this is you, Universe or Nothing is your game.

[Blaze]

The tweaks are good, but you're missing a part of the last sentence. "If this you" makes no sense.

[Mark]

I just realised the you meant that the "is" is missing.

[Mark]

I removed the "your" from "your technicians":

Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices; the Helmsman, evading enemy fire while keeping them in your sights; the Tactical Officer, bringing weapons to bare on the enemy and managing away teams; the Science Officer, fighting an information war and directing researchers; or the Chief Engineer, pushing systems to their limits and overseeing technicians. If this is you, Universe or Nothing is your game.


The Tactical Officer, Science Officer, and Chief Engineer all have their own crew (as in AI crew) to manage. That is something I wanted to get across, that you are part of something bigger.

I don't think we've discussed researchers before, the Science Officer will use them to do things like find weaknesses in computer systems (to make things like hacking a neutral or enemy spacestation easier) or breaking encryption levels on intercepted messages (to allow them to be read).

[Blaze]

The researchs sound like a great idea.

"the Helmsman, evading enemy fire while keeping them in your sights" might be better as "the Helmsman, evading missiles while keeping the enemy in your sights" or something along those lines. The "them" part is the one I think can be better. I'm trying to think of the reason why someone is attracted to piloting, and (to me) it always comes to flying, so maybe you could do something along the lines of "the Helmsman, flying through space and maneuvering through combat". Though, if mentioning space, you might want to move it later, since space is mentioned for the Captain, already.

[Mark]

I really like your first Helmsman change. I don't think there is need to mention flying through space, as it is something most people would expect. We don't need to cover all points in this first paragraph, just give enough to wet people's appetites.

Here is the latest, with your change:

Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices; the Helmsman, evading missiles while keeping the enemy in your sights; the Tactical Officer, bringing weapons to bare on the enemy and managing away teams; the Science Officer, fighting an information war and directing researchers; or the Chief Engineer, pushing systems to their limits and overseeing technicians. If this is you, Universe or Nothing is your game.

[Blaze]

How about "the Tactical Officer, bringing destruction to your foes and managing away teams", instead of using "enemy" twice in quick succession?

[Mark]

Yes, excellent.

Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices; the Helmsman, evading missiles while keeping the enemy in your sights; the Tactical Officer, bringing destruction to your foes and managing away teams; the Science Officer, fighting an information war and directing researchers; or the Chief Engineer, pushing systems to their limits and overseeing technicians. If this is you, Universe or Nothing is your game.

[Blaze]

Oh, I love it.

Just keep wondering about the last sentence. That "If this is you" keeps bugging me.

Here's just a few variations on the theme. But if you prefer the short version, go for it. The paragraph is epic as it is.

"If any of these is you, Universe or Nothing is your game."
"If you recognize yourself among these, Universe or Nothing is your game."
"If you see yourself in such a role, Universe or Nothing is your game."
"If you wish to partake, Universe or Nothing is your game."
"If you wish to save mankind, Universe or Nothing is your game."
"If you wish to save humanity, Universe or Nothing is your game."
"If these pique your interest, Universe or Nothing is your game."

[Mark]

I do think the language on that last line is a bit off. How about this instead:

Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices; a Helmsman, evading missiles while keeping the enemy in your sights; a Tactical Officer, bringing destruction to your foes and managing away teams; a Science Officer, fighting an information war and directing researchers; or a Chief Engineer, pushing systems to their limits and overseeing technicians. If the answer is yes, Universe or Nothing is your game.