[Blaze]

Yup! You got it!

I think that's it.

But sleep on it, and see what you think tomorrow. And what the others think.

[Mark]

Yeah, we may tweak it again the future but I think it's great. Thanks for your help.

[Grey]

I like it a lot.I missed the first draft, but this one after the changes is really good.
But am I correct that you missed the title for the role of captain? It goes from bridge straight to the captain flavor text.

Universe or Nothing will be available on Steam in 2017, or via bootlegged holocube if you’re in the Centauri system.

Hehe Funny

Can't wait till 2017

[Blaze]

I'm not sure what you mean, the start is about the Captain:
"Have you ever wanted to be a spaceship Captain, facing real challenges and making meaningful choices".

[Mark]

Hey Grey. Thanks man.


The original intro paragraph was more generic:

Step into the uniform of a UNION Captain, taking command of spaceships ranging from the elegantly swift to the brutally practical. Guide your ship and crew through perilous missions, evading the enemy where he is strong and striking ruthlessly where he is weak.

The text is addressing the player as the Captain, we felt it needed that solid perspective. Therefor The Bridge section is telling the Captain about his/her bridge officers.

[Grey]

I mean, that the captain is a role you can play on the bridge. But it doesn't have it's own header.
I felt like it didn't make it very clear that it's one of the 5 roles, because it is treated differently from the other roles (by not having the header).

[Mark]

There is always a Captain. When you start a game you are the Captain by default, and who fills the roles on your ship is up to you (you, the AI, or friends). For that reason I wanted to differentiate between the Captain, and the four roles under him/her.

We are not creating Artemis, with five linear positions that must be filled. The Captain can be the only human player on a ship, and so it has a special status above the other four roles.

The text is directed at the player as the Captain, and so listing the role of Captain under that would be confusing I think.

I am open to your thoughts on this, I just wanted to lay out my position on it.

[Grey]

ok clear.

[Mark]

At this point in development what I want people to do is get involved in the community here, a strong community is what we need to make UoN a reality.

For that reason the "call to action", on the second paragraph of the marketing copy, is:

Follow development and help shape the future of Universe or Nothing. Join us on our forums (universeornothing.com/forums) or Facebook page (facebook.com/universeornothing).

I have been thinking a lot about how we are approaching marketing UoN, especially since Blaze's suggestion of focusing on the why rather than the how.

And so I looked at that line which started with "Follow", and thought why? Why should someone follow development. And then I thought, because we genuinely want them to. Not to increase some follower stat, but to have another perspective in the community.

So here is what I am thinking of changing it to:

We want you to help shape the future of Universe or Nothing. Join us on our forums (universeornothing.com/forums) or Facebook page (facebook.com/universeornothing) for development updates and discussion.

[Blaze]

Yeah, that sounds much better, but the second sentence sounds too crude to me, as opposed to the first one.

How about this?

In order to help shape the future of Universe or Nothing, we want you to join us on our forums (universeornothing.com/forums) or Facebook page (facebook.com/universeornothing). There, you'll find development updates and will be able to discuss any part of the game.

[Mark]

I agree that the language is too crude, but I would like it to remain more direct.

How about this:

We want you to help shape the future of Universe or Nothing, join us for development discussion and updates on our forums or Facebook page.

[Blaze]

Better.

[Mark]

Thanks man.